Post by Incapability on Sept 6, 2007 23:00:57 GMT 9.5
What's a gal to do, being cut off of the internet and her beloved Mirandaites for weeks at a time?
Some might suggest she could study or clean the house or bake things.
I say, they're wrong.
There's only one thing to do: listen to a song in excess, get it stuck in your head, make a vid out of it, and turn it into a ficlet. All done here.
******************
And somewhere along the way, you lost Merlin.
The question is not when you lost him.
The question is when you let yourself realise you lost him. You’ve been wondering.
For hours now.
You notice you’ve been doing that more often lately.
You are catching yourself, at the most unexpected moments, pausing, wondering, trying to figure out when you first admitted to yourself that he was gone. Because it is not easy to remember; for, the first time you allowed the thought, it was silent, it was hardly a whisper. Even now, it hardly stands out against the turmoil of your mind.
But you know it.
He’s gone, and he won’t come back.
There was a time, once, when it would have felt bitter to know that everything you did for him was in vain.
There was a time when the years you spent grooming him, teaching him, laying all your hopes on him would have made you cry out in anguish.
But time took care of that. Or, more accurately, the people did.
For this is one of those times when the rules are changed, and when it’s the clouds who are changing the stars, moving them around at their will and ripping them from their ancient resting places. It’s one of those times when humans are more powerful than gods.
Sometimes, deep down, you know it. You know that it will be no good; all that planning, all that scheming won’t get you Merlin back. It won’t make you win, either.
This you know because at some point, the line between the two things got blurred.
And you cannot for the life of you remember when that happened.
All you can be sure of, aside from the fact that you lost him, is that Nimue lost him too.
She lost him to you, just like you lost him to her.
You knew that the first time he left her to fight you. Her tears touched him no more than your threats, her warm affection bound him no more than your cold, fierce love.
You both lost him, and neither of you can win. You can tell; this is not the first time you see a losing battle. It is, however, the first time your side is losing too.
The only thing left to do is to make sure that the other side is defeated more thoroughly than you. You will take away what Nimue has still left of Merlin, his soft, loving side, and to do that you will even cast away his hateful, unforgiving side, the only part of him that belongs to you. Through his death, you shall live.
It will destroy her.
But it won’t make you win.
Some might suggest she could study or clean the house or bake things.
I say, they're wrong.
There's only one thing to do: listen to a song in excess, get it stuck in your head, make a vid out of it, and turn it into a ficlet. All done here.
******************
And somewhere along the way, you lost Merlin.
The question is not when you lost him.
The question is when you let yourself realise you lost him. You’ve been wondering.
For hours now.
You notice you’ve been doing that more often lately.
You are catching yourself, at the most unexpected moments, pausing, wondering, trying to figure out when you first admitted to yourself that he was gone. Because it is not easy to remember; for, the first time you allowed the thought, it was silent, it was hardly a whisper. Even now, it hardly stands out against the turmoil of your mind.
But you know it.
He’s gone, and he won’t come back.
There was a time, once, when it would have felt bitter to know that everything you did for him was in vain.
There was a time when the years you spent grooming him, teaching him, laying all your hopes on him would have made you cry out in anguish.
But time took care of that. Or, more accurately, the people did.
For this is one of those times when the rules are changed, and when it’s the clouds who are changing the stars, moving them around at their will and ripping them from their ancient resting places. It’s one of those times when humans are more powerful than gods.
Sometimes, deep down, you know it. You know that it will be no good; all that planning, all that scheming won’t get you Merlin back. It won’t make you win, either.
This you know because at some point, the line between the two things got blurred.
And you cannot for the life of you remember when that happened.
All you can be sure of, aside from the fact that you lost him, is that Nimue lost him too.
She lost him to you, just like you lost him to her.
You knew that the first time he left her to fight you. Her tears touched him no more than your threats, her warm affection bound him no more than your cold, fierce love.
You both lost him, and neither of you can win. You can tell; this is not the first time you see a losing battle. It is, however, the first time your side is losing too.
The only thing left to do is to make sure that the other side is defeated more thoroughly than you. You will take away what Nimue has still left of Merlin, his soft, loving side, and to do that you will even cast away his hateful, unforgiving side, the only part of him that belongs to you. Through his death, you shall live.
It will destroy her.
But it won’t make you win.
