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Post by Crysta on Jun 19, 2007 8:53:05 GMT 9.5
Ali I love itttttttt!!!! *gives hundreds of huggles* Update soon *begs on knees* please
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Post by Crysta on Jun 19, 2007 9:01:25 GMT 9.5
Yay! Merlin in pain muwahahahahaha!!!!
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Post by Mab Rox on Jun 19, 2007 9:04:02 GMT 9.5
Update!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Crysta on Jun 19, 2007 9:10:22 GMT 9.5
*huggles* Now update!!!
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Post by Mab Rox on Jun 19, 2007 9:15:04 GMT 9.5
*attempts to light spark*
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Post by hilloneko on Jun 19, 2007 9:26:34 GMT 9.5
that was wonderful!! Noo!! you must update some more T_T. *goes in search of Ali's spark*
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Post by EarlyBird on Jun 19, 2007 10:12:02 GMT 9.5
Mab turned her head then looked at Alla as she walked towards her "I thought you'd get the message and leave" she hissed. Alla charged forward and went to hit Mab, but Mab was too fast for her, she kept flashing away then appearing again. "You wont win" Alla snapped, her voice cold and strong. Mab laughed standing on a high cliff edge "I will my pretty" she laughed.
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Post by Mab Rox on Jun 20, 2007 5:41:06 GMT 9.5
;D Yahoo! Go Mab!
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Post by Incapability on Jun 24, 2007 22:15:09 GMT 9.5
Now, please don't be mad at me, but I'd like to offer you some constructive criticism.
Your writing seems very hectic to me, every sentence has a very big air of "hot off the press", as though you wanted to get it out there as quickly as possible. Now, there's nothing bad about "being on a roll", in fact, it's great. But try and get yourself to calm down, bring some structure into your sentences. That can very easily be done by using a comma here or there. Also, I'd try and make the sentences shorter overall. It makes a story much easier and much more enjoyable to read if you don't feel like you have to race through it.
Other than that, I really enjoyed the image of Mab lifting Nimue off the cliff by losening her fingers one by one - that would have been a great thing to see in the movie. Totally casual and very very Mab.
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Post by Incapability on Jun 25, 2007 1:25:21 GMT 9.5
ok. But wouldn't saving the document at regular intervalls kind of take care of that problem? Because it doesn't do any good to rush, whatever the reason be. And it's not just this one, it's most of what you write. I'm not trying to offend you, I'm merely offering advice.
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